5 Rapper Endorsements We Want Now (TheBVX, 08/31/2010)

Product alignment isn’t just for the big dogs anymore, even Detroit producer Mr. Porter (Eminem, Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent) has a custom keyboard with the music equipment company Open Labs. And let’s be honest, albums and ringtones aren’t selling like they used to so endorsements guarantee a rapper won’t end up on “Dancing With The Stars” (No shots Master P). We suggest jumping into the world of technology, so here are five gadgets that are customized for five MCs.

Showtime! PA System
Students nationwide are subjected to sleep-inducing pep rallies and colorless summons to the principal’s office. But a PA system from Swizz Beatz, aka the One Man Band Man, would take those mandatory school assemblies from zero to hero. Blasting at illegally loud volumes, the Showtime! PA System would feature automated voice-overs for all school events from games to bake sales. When a star basketball player slam dunks? “The monsta!” When the bell rings at the school day’s end? “Showtime!”

Find Your Forehead Eyebrow Trimmer
Diddy co-signed Proactiv years ago; why can’t Drake preserve his sexy (and his bank account) by endorsing the Andis eyebrow trimmers? The deal would be worth it for the “before” and “after” photos alone. If he thinks the ladies love him now, wait until they can see the rest of his forehead. Oh you fancy, huh?

God’s Son Calculator
Considering Nas’ recent child support woes with ex-wife Kelis over their son Knight, it’s probably tough for the god MC to calculate how much money he has and what he owes. So after successful endorsements with Willie Esco, 310 Motoring and FILA (*snicker*), we suggest the Queensbridge MC collaborate with tech powerhouse Texas Instruments to release a limited edition calculator. Numbers 1-9 and other mathematical actions are all missing, though; the only useful buttons are “0” and “=.”

Take You to the Movies App
Sudanese rapper Bangs made his mark with his single¬†“Take You To Da Movies,”¬†so why not let the budding star endorse the oft-used MovieFone app? Users will open MovieFone to see a smiling Bangs dispersing theaters locations and times for all the latest films. As a bonus, he’ll briefly rate the most noteworthy movies with ice encrusted B’s instead of stars.

Ricky Radar
Most of us speed on a long empty roads and have paid the cost in speeding tickets. Smart drivers however buy radar detectors that announce when 5-0 is near, so who better to warn you of patrolling cops than the Bawse himself? If Rick Ross’ perfect attendance as a correctional officer says anything, it’s that Rozay knows how the law works and for the low price of $49.99, it can be on your side! Just pop the Ricky Radar on your car’s dashboard and when johnny law is on the prowl, the device will blast “Live Fast, Die Young.” BAWSE!